Monday, January 10, 2011

I had to have a copy of this somewhere

*Not my writing or emotions

*I feel so dead to the world I feel like everything is floating along over my head. Things are blank again but this time its not a choice this time I can't get out. I'm just too exhausted to do anything. I don't want to speak there's nothing in my head. It takes too much energy to get the words formed and pushing out through my lips and whatever I say when I do say things don't matter the world is too noisy my words get lost or I just f**k things up. There's a fog all around me a bubble that stops feelings and the only thing that gets through now is annoyance. And the rest is just dull and my head is empty and my chest is empty. I don't even have the energy to pretend like I care. Last night I sat in my chair on the phone with him and cut and just talked dully and he said you sound upset I'm coming over. He got me a McFlurry and we sat in a parking lot and talked and I felt better then this morning the blank came back again. Something is wrong in my head I feel pathetic I feel too needy.

When did things go so wrong?
I'm sorry
I hope you are well.

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