Monday, June 13, 2011


It was such a vivid dream and it wasnt just anyone
it was You
who knows my obsession
You who I have always bee obsessed with
You who my sister looks up to
probably more than me.
I couldnt tell if it was real life for the longest time
and I wish it was even though it was
such an odd situation and in my room.
I dont know if this is wrong
i dont really care
you are so attractive to everyone.
I wish a little bit that i could see what it would be like for real
and see how much of the dream was Truth
but it will never happen at least not with you
at least not this year
I will just listen to all of the other people on your list of kissed
and hold on to the memory that never was.


I will admit that I am completely terrfied of everything unknow and many things known. Diagnosed with anxiety and I feel it almost every day usually its not bad but it always keeps me on end . When things are going good thats when its the worst because of Fear of losing what I actually will miss. I usually float along because its easier that trying for something I want and Failing to get it. I dont grasp for the ropes. I am scared of moving on and functioning as my own person and yes maybe julia was right and yes maybe im not as strong as i would like to be and as strong as everyone else seems to be. growing up makes me feel cold not even anxious usually just cold and sad and i dont like dealing with things that kids my age are interested in and most of the time i wish all the influences would just go away and we would be left as the people we were supposed to be. And I know its immature but i hate the cold more than anything. It makes me sick.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sadness beats apathy

Emotion is better than a lack of .
I don't like hearing about music from you
or hearing about you talk about music for that matter
because then you take the credit
and i am forced in my mind to forever associate a band
or whoever or whatever with you
and with feeling sick and suffocated
when the point of music is to feel happy
or at least an emotion instead of just sick.

We Only Have What We Remember

It doesn't matter what we are,
or who we used to be
it only matters that we are here
at the same moment in time
perfect timing.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Hello again.

Its amazing how one comment can ruin your entire day.
No longer in the gray, or white
sinking slowly down into the blue.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Imagine a world with no loud city sounds
or music.
Where there are no cars, or planes or public transportation.
because space is not a dimension.
Imagine the faces of the faceless friends
who have been programmed to act, think, look, and dress the same.
Void of emotions or personal beliefs.
Neither eat nor sleep
because the food had all been eaten
and the beds were all destroyed.
Imagine a government
that didn't lie or try to protect its citizens
because it did not exist.
The idea of a leader had been wiped clean
out of the minds of this generation.
There is no death
and no birth
the earth
has been forced to forgive
those who lived on it.
The last that were actually alive.
Mirrors shattered
minds melted
that performed less than the ideal.
perfect rows of clean white boxes.
precisely measure stain black eyelashes
that would never leak and feel pain.
Would you say this is humanity?
No, I would say
this is the future.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Papa died smiling
wide as the ring of a bell'